Blizzard Did an Oopsie - Original on November 4, 2019

So, my man J. Allen Brack (not Barack) said he failed at his job of not "uniting the world in competitive gaming" and "rushed to judgement" and was too "slow to speak with the community." Since he ISN'T "Barack", he can't be held to that kind of standard… looks like he can barely keep track of his quaff. Flowing in the wind, so effortlessly like Michael Bolton… I figured he was right on time with taking all the profits NetEase allotted them. And his long-maned thicc ass assumed the position with all haste. "Please put it in my ass, great honorable one! I love your Hunny in my Poo!"

All kidding aside, my man J. has a unique problem that seems to have spread to many companies chasing that 'Money Train' Wesley Snipes couldn't catch… Chinese profits come at a sizeable cost, bringing certain challenges and risks the corporate world seems quite keen to ignore. Most evident is the prayer that Big Boy Winnie the Fearless Leader Poo won't go HAM on that booty and TAKE all the booty… and start using your infrastructure and data to spy on their own people - much less data mine the companies who give up all that precious loot. Laymen like us won't be privy to NSA secrets, so we can only say that they gave us those warnings against Communism all those years ago for a GOOD REASON! Where are those champions of freedom (alt-right yappers) now? It seems that once the Don comes around, you stack that sock full of blue notes and shut yer trap!

But have no fear, we the low-paid minions will stand up to this treachery, while all those with the power and creative juices will flow in green and laugh at us… riiiight… I'd rather be stuck in an airport with all the crying babies and nervous drunks. Maybe it's just me, but this corporate Communist kerfuffle is only meant to play out like a runaway train full of money should… off the tracks and busted open for anyone to raid. This is a unique stock bubble that could burst with the right - or wrong - vote in Congress. Anyone who fights trade manipulation or starts to pit us against Chinese goods are gonna have a bad time, 'fo sho!' (Oh wait - we have a fearless leader too, and he ain't it, chief!… we doomed!)

So, do we have to take all this lying down? Actually, we do. If we choose to buy their retrograde products. Basketball seems to be more of a Vegas bet away from putting your homie in bankruptcy, even though he knows all too well how rigged it is. Apple is getting handled while Hwawei recruits American influencers to kowtow, break I-Phones and show off their I.D.G.A.F. status on Kik! Now, all manner of games are being treated like last year's theatre releases, without the regard for how games have more reason to fail when you edit the content without fixing the story or gameplay to make sense… and when you take blood out of a game, you kinda add a blast of SJW magic that gives the world all the more reason to play, right?

All to please an audience of one, Xi Jinping. We end up doing the bidding of dictators by proxy. He gets to gloat how N.O.T.O.R.I.O.U.S. You. Just. Lay. Down. Slow. And the whole world has to sit back and pray that they don't have to see Red Dust flying all over their screens. But Xi isn't the first to manipulate the markets to his pleasure. Ask the Christian community in THIS GOOD OL' USA about how they neutered so many foreign publications - even Anime. I can safely say that if the censors and the timid companies actually premiered the shows and cartoons from the East authentically, we'd be more inclined to kick ass with the Japanese Guyvers, Gundams, and Gatchamans all night long! This country has neutered a laundry list of fiction from all over the world to fit the puritanical audiences of the Right (and recently the Left) for so long now.

It behooves us to remember how much competitive toy marketing paved the way for all the censorship and national revisionism in foreign works. This going theory still stands today: keep the kids happy and the parents quiet, and no one will look twice when you shove a pay option down their throats. Sell a toy, push a lootbox, give out the notice of Free Crack Thursday… ummm… that's probably not true.. I think… Every country has standards for decency. Only few vary their standards to match marketing interests like the United States. That is why it seems comical how ignorant the public here is to the varied restrictions and actions for adult and risque content, yet once companies market to the masses abroad, us in America get shell-shocked at how other countries treat our publications. The only way to sell a product overseas is to kiss the ring of the right leaders. All that lead poisoning… it's fake gold… it's FREE REAL ESTATE.

And, that is precisely why they are just acquiescing to these foreign standards. But the line got crossed recently when use of these programs and applications prevented news from circulating, voices from freely speaking (at home and in China), and corporations now had to slither around the issues like they got airdropped into Shadow Moses in a wet suit - only without any of the job experience to procure on site any brains, charisma, or even bring a fashion designer to fix that FUGLY MUG! Geez! J, my guy! Get a barber, a long sleeve shirt with a FUCKIN' collar, and a god-damn makeup artist! If you are gonna lie to the paying crowd that your hands were tied, then please have a magic trick where you can make the entire stage, Blizzard Entertainment in China, and the deal you made with Activision to sell to NetEase your back catalogue COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR! Also, tie yourself up and step in this box. The trick will go smoothly, I PROMISE!

In short, the only way things will change around here is to wait for either the kids to grow up, the market to make us all too poor to buy their shitty products, or a war to start to make us LITERALLY fight for our beliefs. Better practice your aim, noobs. Of course, we can take the long approach and keep pressuring these companies to do right, but why bother!? We have all the free time in the world… don't you guys have phones? Or better yet, don't you guys have a game to attend, a party to plan, work to go to, or, idk, a LIFE? It might be time to end the gaming cult all together. #GameOver - Time to stop playing indoors and start playing outside with your kids! Work out! Make some more cash at your job. Go out and meet people - even mack on some hunnies! Oops! I said hunnies. Poo might be watching!

The only thing that changes in a terrible situation is you. You can choose to do something different, or be something different. The choice is yours. Me, I gotta review Death Stranding for the channel soon. I may even play some Modern Warfare - WAIT A MINUTE!!!